Cream & Sugar

Anonymous asked: Hello, how do you deal with women who is just non sexually responsive. I've been married now 6 1/2 yrs, and I've always have to tell her to touch me. It's like she's totally new to this. It gets very frustrating because I believe sex is a two person event. I'm at the point now that I do want to explore other avenues because I feel like sexually, our needs aren't met. I've tried talking and even worked on improving myself in other ways, but to no avail, sex is just as awkward. Any advice? -A

I don’t have enough information about your relationship (or, just as important, her perspective on your relationship) to give a grounded opinion, but I can offer a few thoughts.

This goes without saying, but sex is complicated. Extremely, extremely complicated. Your entire being becomes activated and every aspect of who you are becomes engaged: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Each of these elements are nuanced and robust enough when isolated, but, when combined, the overlapping and mixing of layers can make things pretty overwhelming and difficult to disentangle.

You’ve been married for six and a half years. Has she always been reticent? If it’s new behavior, you may just be experiencing a bout of comfort or boredom. It will take some patience and effort, but find out what would make sex more desirable (or comfortable) for her (not you) and then cater to her. If it’s not new behavior, there’s no telling what’s at the root of her shyness. It could be anything from deep-seeded religious upbringing to unresolved sexual trauma. It could be as simple as the fact that she doesn’t like sex… at all or just with you (the latter will certainly bruise your ego, but, if that’s the case, it’s actually a much more favorable reason because you can take steps to address it).

Is she being satisfied outside of the bedroom? Is she stressed out about work or finances or relationships or chores/errands or children (if you have them)? In general, women don’t work like you and I. They can’t switch their brains off like us. If she’s being taxed somewhere else, it will affect everything. She may just be too exhausted to deal with sex, so she turns everything off. Try taking away more of her stressors (cook dinner, clean the house, run her errands, etc.), unprompted, for an extended period of time, without expecting anything in return, and see what happens.

How is your relationship emotionally? Do you connect? Are you open and affectionate? Are you caring and nurturing? Talk about it, honestly, with her. If you’re not satisfying her emotionally, that’s a necessary discussion (one that belongs to you, her, and a therapist) that should happen as soon as possible.

How are you working on yourself? Do you mean in behavior or physically? Are you working to make yourself attractive to her as well? Exercise, dress, and hygiene are always a good start for you.

On the flip-side, you should be acutely aware and conscious of the fact that she may not feel confident in herself physically. Self-esteem and body image are things that should not be taken lightly and you have to be extremely sensitive. Compliment her and bolster her confidence. Giving compliments in a sexual setting are good, but, most importantly, give compliments (naturally and earnestly) in “normal” settings.

I am encouraged to hear that you want her to be more involved because you’re right: sex is a two-person event. With that mindset, you won’t place blame on her and you will work with her to figure out what’s “wrong”. I understand your frustration, but try to avoid an accusatory or offensive stance when you approach any discussion about sex. You want to be selfish to an extent (your happiness is just as important as hers), but you need to work together to connect. Make sure that “our needs” really means “our needs” and isn’t a disguised way of saying “our needs if it means satisfying my needs”.

Really think about what would make you happy. Would things be better if she initiated sex? If she was more enthusiastic? If the sex was more frequent? If she was kinkier? What exactly are your needs and how are they not met? If you can pinpoint specific reasons to why you’re unhappy, it will help you find resolution in a more effective and efficient manner.

Thank you for your note and for following along. I hope that I helped in some way. Good luck.

Anonymous asked: Im a straight guy who wants to try having sex with a man, i dont know why, im just curious. i dont want a relationship or anything, i just think it would be hot and pleasurable. any suggestions? and to keep it under wraps?

I don’t have any experience in relationships with other men, but I think that you should pursue it if you’re curious.

Personally, I would recommend your explorations to be made in the confidence of a gay friend (nothing like an insider’s tips to help you), but, if discretion is your preference, I know that there are a myriad of sites and apps that will assist you (it’s amazing what can be found on Google).

Thank you for your note and for following along. Please practice safe sex. Good luck.

Anonymous asked: Late nights are the perfect time for Cream & Sugar. Thank you.

You are perfect for Cream & Sugar.

Late nights are our nights because that’s when we are on together.

Thank you for your wonderful note and for following along.

Anonymous asked: Cheers. Fuck anybody saying the photos of guys are gay. As a dude it makes me feel empowered to see man displayed as a sexual being. Personally it makes me feel sexy. So fuck these pricks.

Fuck.

Yes.

Fly that flag on your pole, soldier. ¡Revolución!

Thank you for your message and for following along.

Anonymous asked: I could tell you were an objectivist. This is why i just keep coming back to your blog! YOURE AMAZING!

I hesitate to attach any label to myself, but I do find that some of the objectivist thinking resonates with me.

Please come back as much as you can until you’re fully satisfied. Your support and enthusiasm makes me smile.

Thank you for your note and for following along.

26hundredmiles asked: I am terribly sad to have just found you, only to learn you are leaving us. Must you deactivate here, or could you not just leave this blog as a relic of sorts? Regardless, I await your new project with bated breath. xoxo ~2600

I have acquiesced and agreed to keeping this Tumblr active (as both a relic and as an outlet to post when I need it).

The new project is still incubating, but it may eventually be stillborn.

For the new people out there, there was a moment when I decided to end and deactivate this Tumblr. The C&S vets know that that moment was (I think) the third attempt. What can I say? It’s hard to say goodbye to something that has gotten me through some difficult times. I’ll post a full explanation later, but, for now, I hope that this answer will address the similar questions in my inbox.

Thank you for your note, for your kind words, and for following along.

p.s. I answered this question specifically because I thoroughly enjoy the spirit of 2600’s Tumblr.

Anonymous asked: Looking through this blog is like slow torture, but i love it!

It’s not torture if you love it. Can I get an “AMEN” from the submissives out there?

Thank you for your note and for following along.

Anonymous asked: I have just come across your tumblr and love it, genuinely, wholeheartedly adore it, I didnt actually think they made men like you anymore. Your post titled 'plumage' made me fall in love with you a little bit. x

Your support and kindness uplifts me, but a man like me also has countless faults and shortcomings.

I am just a rotten bastard who is trying fervently to be less rotten.

Thank you for your wonderful words and for following along.

Anonymous asked: You may have already explained this but what do you mean by tagging "plumage"? I don't know what you mean by that.

“Plumage” is a metaphor that I use for a woman’s adornments (hair, clothing, shoes, jewelry, tattoos, etc.) that I find alluring. As the color and pattern of a bird’s feathers is distinguishing, so too is a woman’s dress.

Thank you for your note and for following along.